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in the past couple of days i have seen:

- a photo posted as nostalgia bait that looks like it was taken in the 90s but clues within reveal it was actually taken in 2017 at the earliest

- a guy who has to stay married to a crane for the rest of his life

- facebook getting hoisted in tremendous, elaborate fashion

and i have not missed important if true this much since that self-driving car ran over that robot like three years ago.

i have been transmitted a secret image containing the identity of the man responsible for the facebook outage

i am going to go back in time and kill alexander graham bell in minecraft

ARPA IN 1974: we're inventing the internet because networked comptuers are decentralized and therefore there is no single point of failure

THE INTERNET IN 2021:

anyway i just made a phone call to a doctor's office and the robot asked me to input my phone number so they could call me back and then they told me the phone number i was calling them from wasn't real so i guess i'm just going to have to die

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AN ORDERED LIST OF WAYS I WOULD LIKE TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PLACE OF BUSINESS OR INSTITUTION:

1. web form
2. going physically to where it is located and speaking to someone
...
597861. talking to anyone on the phone for any reason

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whenever i make a phone call and it is a robot phone tree doing something they could have done with a web form, a year is taken off my life

on my way home from the grocery store today i saw a guy on a bike wearing a shirt that said "γƒ’γƒ©γ‚¬γƒŠ" on the sleeves and i busted out laughing

sitting at hollywood/vine station, next to an old man dressed like orville redenbacher, wearing a chainmail eyepatch. punished "venom" redenbacher

went to the grocery store, on my way there two motherfuckers in HUGE suvs stopped directly in the middle of the crosswalk and then some motherfucker took a right on red at approximately ten thousand miles and hour and almost ran me over. for the first time in my life, i literally screamed "what the fuck is wrong with you!!" at a stranger out and about. los angeles is the worst place on earth.

northernlion posting 

KORY: how have your balls been?

CHIB: big and swollen and i'm infertile.

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northernlion posting 

CHIB: *freaking out for a full minute about hearing music nobody else can hear*

RYAN: lemme ask you something personal chib. did you get vaccinated recently?

CHIB: yes!

RYAN: well that's probably it, you're just picking up the local radio station

the thing that really gets me about this image, apart from... everything about it, is that i do not understand how they got that much air driving on the terrain in the photograph.

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this picture on the wikipedia article for "road rally" is one of the funniest things i have ever seen. just an unbelievably cursed image

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skeleton.cool

single-user instance for @prophet_goddess.